Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
