I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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