Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
