I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We have started to decorate penises.
whose parrot is this?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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