she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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