I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
