i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i out mim tonsoeep
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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