he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
