I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
