tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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