The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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