just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
