Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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