that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
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Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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