you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
