Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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