Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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