How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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