Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
