i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
