JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
