Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
