I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
