Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my shit smells like andre
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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