why didn't you poke me back
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
