Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the day after is always just damage control
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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