This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
