Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
