I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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