It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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