Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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