Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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