dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
