Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
