Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
