My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
