my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
