i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
