im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
