omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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