When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
