So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
