I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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