Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
