just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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