I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
