Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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