Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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