id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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