My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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