Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
