Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
