What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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