he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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