my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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