well I can't set my house on fire every night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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