Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
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You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize