In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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