I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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