Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
