I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
