she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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