I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
