Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
