It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
