Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
