also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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