Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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