Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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