Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
