he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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